Lead-Buttitis – condition caused by sitting in a dialysis chair for more than 10 minutes. (In Center)
Shoulder-crampitis- Condition caused by not being able to move your arm due to needles being in it. Again being stuck in a dialysis center chair.
General unit boredom – obvious isn’t it?
Although the centers try to provide us with entertainment it is not enjoyable.Today as we sit watching FoodNetwork, 40 min. into treatment and 2 alarms later, here we go with the sucky part of dialysis. Only 1/10th of the time is under our belt for this treatment today and I am ready to get the hell out of here. Today they set me in the Spotlight chair.
The spotlight chair is one of two chairs that are set apart from the “bank” of chairs that most people sit in. Others can watch you, be amused at your torment and pain. I am positive every eye in the place was watching my wife stick my needles today. After all no one I have seen has done this except us. Mind you I wouldn’t have it any other way but I am sure it made Sherrii feel like she is in the spotlight and on stage. Thank goodness we didn’t have any problems, or any of the nurses staring over her shoulder making her more nervous. I know my fistula is different now, so it has to be different for her as well. There are only 2 others I would trust to do this, one being our RN for the home program, and the other being a floor RN here in the unit, she taught Sherrii how to stick me. I would not have her stick me however Sherrii trusts her and well Sherrii Rocks!
The last couple of treatments have really kicked the shit out of me. I seem to be more tired, my headaches are worse, and the after dialysis hangover is just generaly worse. My gains have been relatively low for me so I really do not understand why this is happening. As a result I have been more cranky and moody which I know has been particularly hard on Sherrii and that’s not fair to her. But she sticks with me and holds me and makes me feel better. She’s a trooper through it all. Soon though and hopefully we will be home once again.They say that September 27th is the last in-center treatment for me. I am counting the days literally. Monday we will have the home hemo nurse come out and re-evaluate our home dialysis area, take water samples to get recertified and once that is done were off to the races. I got to say that day is coming far faster than I expected and we have to get cracking the whip to get the house cleaned, carpets shampooed and everything dusted and wiped down with bleach and water. Sherrii will be thrilled with a once again cleaner house. I have to admit I am a piss poor housekeeper. I barely manage to keep the dishes done! Sherrii tries to do it but she is just too tired after vacuuming the floor, or dusting the shelves. Her PPH is a pain, but she tries at least. It kills me that I can’t do more for her. It scares me to death, the things that are going to be coming for her and the things we will have to endure. Sooner or later she will be either gone, or a heart transplant for her, or maybe both. As a Buddhist I am supposed to “roll with the punches” and accept, but how does one accept watching their best friend, someone they love with every fiber of their being, go through all that pain and suffering? I don’t know. If anyone has a solution I would like to know it. But I will, and she will, and I will hold her hand and stay by her side. Ok enough sadness for one blog…
I saw my mother for the first time in 16 years. I don’t think she understands what I have to go through every day for the rest of my life. She had open heart surgery and is fine now. I think she feels that dialysis is not hard on a person, its like getting a shot. Well its one hell of a shot. I also do not think she understands what is up with Sherrii either. She didn’t really want to hear anything other than why my wife had oxygen. She doesn’t realize that either one of us could die within a very short period of time, without treatments for me or oxygen for Sherrii. But I am still happy to have seen her and had the opportunity to sit down and talk. I hope she enjoyed the visit and wasn’t too judgmental. If there was ever a time in my life I needed my family to accept me for who I am, the person I have become, its now. So we will see what comes of all this. In the meantime, I will continue to sit here with my lead-buttitis, and shoulder-crampitis, and GUB and survive. Maybe next time I will sound happier when I write?!